Bite My Twinkies, Potter
by Carmen Duckie
Summary: You spend your whole life avoiding someone just to fall in love with that same person. What're we going to do with you, Lily? LilyxJames


**Author's Note**: Hey all! Tis Carmen here, bringing to you a new story! Now, before anyone says anything at all about my chapters never being long enough, here's my chance to shine. I've been working on improving my grammar and adding extensions to sentences and paragraphs. Hopefully, I can make each chapter at least five or six pages at the minimum. If I can't, you have all the rights to beat the living tar out of me.

**Disclaimer**: All of the characters I'm using belong to J.K. Rowling, except for the ones you don't see in the books. Lily, James, Sirius, Remus…All of them is copyright J.K., not me. Kapeesh?

* * *

Why is it that one year, you spend all your time hating, loathing, and ignoring a person, and the next, you're practically head over heels for them? Fate has a cruel way of doubling back upon someone. Especially when that someone is one Lillian Marie Evans.

You see, six years of her life were spent, no, wasted on trying to disown James Anthony Potter. Every second of the day, she devised ways to keep him away from her; she pondered on how to 'accidentally' slip something into his morning pumpkin juice that would make him leave her alone. He bothered her to the point where she actually thought getting herself expelled was a good idea.

But no; fate couldn't leave well enough alone. Lily found herself deeply infatuated with this boy she once called an ignorant, pompous, bigheaded jerk. The worse matter of it all wasn't that she liked him, oh no. It was the fact that she had a complicated way of hiding it every moment of the day. Half of the time she was blushing furiously while telling him off for some stupid prank.

If life wasn't hard enough for her already, he just had to make her jealous. You see, James had been going with this girl, Lilith Emerson, for quite a while now. No one really ever saw her, he said. She was just another lonely girl no one knew. Sirius Black, James' best companion, kept saying that she was such a doll and that he should've gotten to her first.

But none of them were exactly sane this year of school at Hogwarts School for Witch Craft and Wizardry.

* * *

"Lily…Wake up, Lillian. It's lunch time."

A whispery voice fluttered through her ear before she recognized who it was. Lily's eyes snapped open to gaze into those of James Potter's. A mischievous glint was in his hazel eyes. Lily went a bit pale, and then her cheeks tinted pink. With a shriek, she threw him away from her.

"James Anthony Potter! Don't you _ever_ do that again!"

Lily sat up on the long couch that sat in the Gryffindor Common Room. Over in the corner, Remus and Sirius were playing a game of Exploding Snaps. Remus quirked a brow at the two, a small smile gracing his lips. Sirius' look was a great deal more wicked than Remus', but who could tell with him?

"Ah, Moony, I see the lovely Lillian has awakened," Sirius said in a smooth voice. He received an icy glare from Lily and a snort from Remus.

"None of you have permission to use my full name! If I need it, I'll be sure you're the first one's I ask," she hissed.

No one ever called Lily Evans, 'Lillian,' if they knew what's good for them. The last time someone called her that, they'd ended up in the hospital wing, probably smaller than a mouse, with a tag around its neck reading 'Help me.'

"Oh, c'mon now, Lily Dearest," James protested.

"Bite my Twinkies, Potter."

Everyone in the room stared and blinked at Lily Evans, trying to see if Lily's brain had just flopped out onto the floor and made a mad dash for the exit.

"A Twinkie?" Remus questioned.

"Something Muggle, I suppose," Sirius muttered.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Twinkie. It's a little white cupcake-like thing with cream on the inside."

James snickered. Remus shook his head. Sirius stood up. His stomach growled.

"Speaking of 'cupcakes,' I'm hungry."

"Always thinking about your stomach, there, Padfoot?" Remus grinned, making him look much like the other two. It seemed, as of late, that Sirius just wanted to eat, and eat, and eat, and eat…He wondered if some day he'd just keep eating until his stomach popped. Or until someone popped it for him.

"I do believe I agree," James said.

"Thought you would."

Remus stood up, brushing his robes off to only have the pile of cards on the table blow up on him. James and Sirius both howled with laughter while Lily shook her head.

"Ah, the fun of this game," Remus said simply. "Let's go eat. I'm starved."

"That's rare. Look who you hang around with," Lily said, about to follow them out. James grinned at her.

"Oh, can't get enough of me, can you? Just have to follow me around, don't you?"

Lily glared up at him, jammed her heel down squarely on his big toe, and marched out of the Common Room. James made an odd yelping sound, jumping up and down, clutching his foot. Sirius snorted.

"Earth to James. Stupidity leak."

* * *

"I'm absolutely _famished_," Sirius groaned as he sat himself at one of the end seats of the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall. Remus took the empty seat beside him, leaving Lily to sit by James. She felt like dieing.

Lily piled her plate with food, amazing even Sirius. They talked as they ate, leaving Lily out of the conversations they were having. _Who cares_, she thought to herself, mixing her potatoes with her corn. She zoned them out completely until they came to a subject that, unknown to them, was sensitive to Lily.

"So," Sirius said, gnawing at a chicken bone._ I swear, that boy acts like a dog most of the time_, Lily thought. "How're you and Lilith going, Prongs?"

Lily stopped playing with her food and focused her hearing on them. "It's going well," James said rather smugly. "She and I went down to Hogsmeade yesterday, you know, to do a bit of shopping. She's a real eye catcher when she's dressed up like that."

Remus noticed that Lily wasn't eating. Cocking his head to the side slightly, he blinked at her. "Lily, something wrong?"

James turned his attention to her as well, halting his ramble about precious 'Lilith.' Lily looked up, startled by their sudden interest in why she was being so quiet, as well as her lack of appetite at the moment.

"Oh, no. Just thinking on something," she said airily, noticing the tone she put into the words with surprise to herself. She hadn't meant for it to come out like she was a dense or something.

"Right," James said, drawling out the word. "So anyways, we went into Madame Who's-its and had a nice cup of coffee, then she…"

"Does anyone know whether to put Wolvesbane into an engorging potion?" Lily said, cutting James off in his ramble and saving herself from complete jealousy.

"Haven't a clue. Why?" Remus was the one to answer. The other two were just looking at her oddly, as if she'd grown extra arms and turned green.

"Oh, no reason," Lily said, hiding her red face by looking down at her plate as she mashed things together again.

"Lily Evans, I do believe you've lost a few brain cells. But you're still beautiful," James snickered. His face ended up in the pie on his plate.

"Jerk." Lily stalked off.

Remus and Sirius both fell off their seats and howled with laughter on the floor of the Great Hall, clutching their stomachs. James wiped a piece of pie off, examined it, then stuck it in his mouth.

"Mmm. Blueberry."

* * *

"_Hestia_! Come quick! I think Lily had drown in girly magazines!"

Lily snapped away and sat up straight in her bed. "Who? What? Where?"

Emmeline Vance and Hestia Jones were sitting on her bed, giggling to themselves. Scattered around Lily were all sorts of Muggle and Magical magazines. Pages were torn out and stacked neatly around her, most including 'The Guy For You' quizzes and trivia.

"Lily, what _have_ you been doing?" Hestia tilted her head in a Remus-like way.

Lily rubbed her eyes. "Sleeping, what else?"

Emmeline rolled her eyes. "Yes, we know that. You've got the words 'your guy is: a.) Kind and noble b.) Sexy and funny' printed on your face. What were you cutting these out for?"

Lily put a hand to her head and glanced around. Her cheeks went slightly pink. "Well, I…Err…I was looking for…Eh…"

Emmeline giggled as she held up a quiz that was circled 'Mischievous'. "You were looking for a quiz to tell you if you've chosen the right guy to crush upon."

Hestia snickered and shook her head. Lily blushed furiously and snatched the paper from her friend. Emmeline quirked a brow and lay on her own bed, propping herself up on her elbows.

"Hey, Hes, bet it's Potter."

"Me too, Emme."

"I'm right here," Lily said in an aggravated tone.

Emme's grin went evil. "I know."

Lily glared at the pair. "Look, you two. I don't know what has gotten into everyone, but all of a sudden, people think I like James! Why, after six years of spite, would I consider even giving him a _chance_?"

Hestia shrugged and went to lie down. It was getting late. Professors would be out soon, lurking in the hallways to catch the unsuspecting prankster at work. That's why Lily didn't want to be in the Common Room while James, Sirius and Remus concocted the plan for this evening.

"Sheesh, Lily. You don't have to get all agitated and stuff. If you don't like him, fine," Emme shrugged. Then, muttering under her breath, she added, "But we all know we're right."

She soon got socked with a pillow.

* * *

Down in the Common Room, as Lily had thought but not known, sat Remus and Sirius. James was standing, so it wouldn't possibly be considered 'just sitting around.' But, contrary to Lily's beliefs, they weren't trying to plan anything. Well…not anything that would harm anyone. At the time being, that is.

"James, why don't you just tell her?" Remus stretched out in his armchair, gazing at the tousle-haired boy.

"Can't."

"Why not?" Interrupted Sirius.

"It's more fun this way. You see, she gets aggravated at the mere thought of me with another girl." James was smirking to himself, mentally patting himself on the back for being a complete genius. Well, not a complete one, anyway.

"She'll murder you when she finds out. I'll guarantee it," Sirius said, shaking his head.

"Yeah, well someone would only do that if they truly liked the other, Sirius," Remus said quite knowledgably from where he was sitting. James nodded and pointed.

"He's right. Listen to Moony for a change," James snorted.

Sirius sighed and shook his head. "Alright. I just hope you don't get yourself blown to pieces."

James laughed triumphantly. Dropping down on the large couch he'd awaken Lily on, he crossed his legs and put his hands behind his head, grinning wickedly.

"So, boys, what's on the agenda for tonight?"


End file.
